Wrote this for McSweeney’s back in 2004 but it’s just as relevant today.
“If someone asks if they can hit you in the face with a brick, say no. Any other response guarantees you’ll get hit in the face with a brick.”
Story of an Artist
Listen up and I’ll tell a story,
about an artist growing old.
Some would try for fame and glory,
others aren’t so bold.
And everyone in friends and family,
sayin’ “Hey, go get a job.
Why do you only do that only?
Why are you so odd?
“And we don’t really like what you do.
We don’t think anyone ever will.
We think you have a problem,
and this problem’s made you ill.”
“The ancient commission of the writer has not changed…
He is charged with exposing our many grievous faults and failures, with dredging up to the light our dark and dangerous dreams for the purpose of improvement.
Furthermore, the writer is delegated to declare and to celebrate man’s proven capacity for greatness of heart and spirit — for gallantry in defeat, for courage, compassion and love. In the endless war against weakness and despair, these are the bright rally flags of hope and of emulation. I hold that a writer who does not passionately believe in the perfectibility of man has no dedication nor any membership in literature.”
“Our world hangs like a magnificent jewel in the vastness of space…
…Every one of us is a part of that jewel. A facet of that jewel. And in the perspective of infinity, our differences are infinitesimal. We are intimately related. May we never even pretend that we are not.”
63 Up
Realized a day or two ago: 63 Up will be coming out this year and I am tearing up just thinking about it. This series tugs at every heart string. I could barely hold it together (read: could not hold it together) just watching the trailer for the previous installment.
We should also be what, four-five years away from seeing Celine and Jesse again? I hope so. Also hope Linklater has secretly been filming something else.
Writing Advice to Myself
Don’t say something is good or bad. That’s subjective.
Instead, describe what about it you like or dislike. Probably still subjective. But less so.
The Last Time Tiger Won a Major
I had just returned from a long weekend in my hometown. My buddy Frush had picked me up on his way from Detroit. Our friend Annabelle came with.
We didn’t go for any other reason than to be young and dumb.
The trip was a success.
We crashed with our friend Rob. Annabelle was supposed to return home earlier than us but I convinced her to stay. I called and left a message with her boss. I lied and said her car and cellphone had been stolen in Grand Rapids and she would be back Monday.
That Sunday, Detroit seemed too far away so, when they dropped me off, they came inside and watched Tiger Woods play golf. He’d win the next day in a playoff round, but I didn’t watch.
That July, Frush and I returned to Holland. Our friend Sang and I really wanted Annabelle to be there. We called and called and called and left voicemails telling her we loved her and missed her and needed her to be there.
I don’t think she ever got those voicemails. She went to a pier with some friends and drowned that day. It was the 4th of July.
Yesterday, Tiger Woods won the Masters at Augusta, after what seemed to be a lifetime ago.
Streaming Music Raises Greenhouse Gas Emissions
Here is something I’ve never thought about.
From Pitchfork:
Though the overall plastic production in the recording industry has dropped, greenhouse gas emissions caused by music consumption have reached an unprecedented high, a new study from the University of Glasgow shows. The changes in environmental impact are due to the decreasing popularity of physical music formats and rise in digital music streaming.
From the BBC:
If you only listen to a track a couple of times, then streaming is the best option. If you listen repeatedly, a physical copy is best – streaming an album over the internet more than 27 times will likely use more energy than it takes to produce and manufacture a CD.
This is my new excuse for buying vinyl. Just saving the planet over here, no big.
If a star was born in 1937, 1954, 1976 and 2018…
… the mid/late 90s Mariah Carey/Diddy R&B/hip-hop remake must have gotten lost in a time warp.
#52Films By Women
I made a pledge to watch at least one female-directed film per week that I hadn’t seen prior in 2019. I will log them as I go, and likely rank them in the same list when I am done. Did the same thing in 2016.
***
Speaking of movies. This is going to get discussed a lot this year, but 1999 was a watershed year for cinema. Probably tied to nostalgia, but seemingly one of my favorites.
Magnolia, The Virgin Suicides, The Cider House Rules, Ratcatcher, Eyes Wide Shut, Being John Malkovich, The Iron Giant, Office Space, The Talented Mr. Ripley, Election, The Green Mile, Three Kings, Man on the Moon, The Sixth Sense, The Blair Witch Project, American Beauty, Fight Club, The Straight Story, Sweet and Lowdown, The Matrix, All About My Mother, Girl, Interrupted, Boys Don’t Cry.
Hell, Cruel Intentions, She’s All That, 10 Things I Hate About You , South Park and American Pie.
Dealing with People On the Internet
This issue of The Discourse has some great advice on dealing with people online.
(Via Kottke)
- Reward your “enemies” when they agree with you, exhibit good behavior, or come around on an issue. Otherwise they have no incentive to ever meet you halfway.
- Accept it when people apologize. People should be allowed to work through ideas and opinions online. And that can result in some messy outcomes. Be forgiving.
- Sometimes people have differing opinions because they considered something you didn’t.
- Take a second.
- There’s always more to the story. You probably don’t know the full context of whatever you’re reading or watching.
- Create the kind of communities and ideas you want people to talk about.
- You don’t always have the moral high ground. You are not always right.
- Block and mute quickly. Worry about the bubbles that creates later.
- There but for the grace of God go you.
(Via Kottke)
So I have been reading. A bit.
I was very slowly working my way through Jude the Obscure, but I put that down for the Beastie Boys Book. I am aware I am the only person in the history of civilization that will ever say that.
I’ve been missing Bob lately. I was hoping to see his name in the photo credits.
When I was maybe five or six, I inherited my stepbrother’s bedroom at my father’s. With it, a few things he left behind, including a Beastie Boys photo pulled from a magazine taped to the wall.
Years later, when Bob and Brian J. Bowe were working on the CREEM anthology for HarperCollins, they let me pick and transcribe a few pieces for the book. One was an interview with the Beasties by Chuck Eddy. Bob pulled the art for the article from photos he’d taken, including the one taped to my wall all those years before.
Hallmark & Chill
If you ever find yourself looking for a Christmas movie involving a grown woman trapped in a magical snow globe, I’ve seen two. Also, Holiday in Handcuffs, the Buffalo ’66 of the genre.
PS: Luke, read more, you philistine.
Sunday Morning/Early Afternoon Not Live
Last night ‘s episode had some fun moments. Really related to the bit in Matt Damon’s monologue about staying up late with his dad to watch the show as a child. And somehow related to the Weezer sketch even more. #TeamLeslie
Also, say what you will about Miley (I have), but I enjoyed her performance and singing it alongside Sean Ono Lennon kinda got to me.
I don’t know why I am writing about SNL. I must have mono.
Welles
Been devouring Orson Welles the past week or so. Started with watching The Other Side of the Wind, which I would not recommend to another human being. Still, I found it fascinating.
Since, I’ve watched/rewatched eight films either by him, and/or starring him, or about him. Plan on keeping that up while I await next week’s Criterion release of The Magnificent Ambersons.
Even managed to crack Bogdanovich’s This Is Orson Welles, which has been collecting dust on my shelf for far too long. There’s an anecdote in the book about MGM looking for an actor to play opposite Hedy Lamarr that I’m finding far too relatable at the moment. It’s like a metaphor for my entire life:
“Welles – that’s who we want! Get him! Who’s his agent?”
“He doesn’t have an agent.”
“What?”
“No, he’s on the radio and he’s running a theatre in New York called The Mercury.”
“Get him.”
Because of the time difference, it is now two o’clock in the morning on the East Coast; ten secretaries are put on the job… [they] start wildly searching by long distance telephone. “We hear he’s at the Stork Club.” “No. El Morocco.” From Harlem to Chinatown, the telephone dragnet spreads out over Manhattan; and for four or five hours, the conference proceeds…
Finally, a secretary, breathless with victory, throws open the door: “I’ve got him for you!” she exclaims, “I’ve got Orson Welles!”
Then, somebody says, “What does he want?”
Vonnegut’s 7 Commandments
- Reduce and stabilize your population.
- Stop poisoning the air, the water, and the topsoil.
- Stop preparing for war and start dealing with your real problems.
- Teach your kids, and yourselves, too, while you’re at it, how to inhabit a small planet without helping to kill it.
- Stop thinking science can fix anything if you give it a trillion dollars.
- Stop thinking your grandchildren will be OK no matter how wasteful or destructive you may be, since they can go to a nice new planet on a spaceship. That is really mean, and stupid.
- And so on. Or else.
(Via Open Culture)
Semi-Related:
A map of the world where the size of the country is determined by its population.
A brief, animated explanation of Stoicism from TED-Ed. I picked this book up a year or two ago and 2019 is the year I actually go through it. Provided I can actually find it.
#FrasierFriday
Frasier
Well, actually, we’ve been out a couple of times. I’m really rather taken with her. She has a very playful side. She took me miniature golfing last night.
Martin
Oh, sure, when she takes you, it’s playful. When I take you, it ends up as a short story in the high school literary magazine.
Frasier
“Through the Clown’s Mouth Darkly” took second in the all-city fiction contest that year.
The MFIC
Luke, it was great meeting you and hanging out, although we could have spent more time together. I was planning on working on my enigma persona, but you were too much fun.
MFIC, RM.
That was the first of thousands of emails from my then “new boss” (MFIC stood for “Mother Fucker in Charge,” borrowed from Mayor Young) the day after we left Coachella in 2004. There was a time when I almost considered him a best friend and a time when we didn’t talk at all. We had so many plans and ideas and it was all electrifying and none of it panned out.
I’ve been missing him dearly for about a year now and looks like I’ll be missing him for the rest of my life.
Taking this one to heart, and in the future trying to remember these two things: don’t wait to do things you wanna do, and to let go of stupid shit.
Hope to see you again, Bob.
Love,
Luke
I’ve noticed something.
On any site where you can ask questions and crowdsource answers (this extends to social media), people will respond regardless of whether or not they have anything to offer. Even if they are wrong. It seems people just want to converse.
Don’t ask questions on the Internet. Look for answers, or people you trust that can point you in the right direction.
June 25, 1956 – June 8, 2018
Bourdain was a hero to me.
Today is a reminder.
To travel more.
To eat more good food.
To have more sex.
To really listen to others.
To try my best to never lose hope.
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
Be kind.
Always.
– Kate Spade.
Rest in peace.
Rules for a Knight
Just finished Ethan Hawke’s epistolary novel written as a letter from a knight going into battle, to their children, imparting knowledge and what they assume will be their last words.
The book is brief and contains simple, effective language and great advice, mostly collected from various sources (credited at the end).
A few rules that stood out to me:
Humility
Never announce that you are a knight, simply behave as one.
Friendship
The quality of your life will, to a large extent, be decided by with whom you elect to spend your time.
Forgiveness
Those who cannot easily forgive will not collect many friends. Look for the best in others.
Discipline
Excellence lives in attention to detail. Give your all, all the time. Don’t save anything for the walk home.